


Grey Areas and Expectations

by WaifsandStrays



Category: Free!
Genre: Disapproving Family, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Rei has a great home life, fight me about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 02:10:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5073472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaifsandStrays/pseuds/WaifsandStrays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei has never spared much thought as to what his friends’ home lives are like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grey Areas and Expectations

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Troye Sivan's fabulous single 'Talk Me Down' which, while being an absolutely stunning Reigisa song in general, is the perfect accompaniment to this fic. Seriously, play it in another window while you read. Worth it.
> 
> Blah, blah, blah, copyright crap, blah, blah.

Rei has never spared much thought as to what his friends’ home lives are like. Makoto, he knows, has a large family and, he assumes given the older boy’s cheerfully mother hen tendencies, loving parents. Haruka lives alone and it shows in his quiet almost hesitant concern for the team. Gou shows all the romanticism and gentleness of a single parent household headed by a female. (Rin lives in a dormitory, surrounded by his male teammates, requiring more research.)

If someone had pressed Rei to think about Nagisa’s home life, he would have drawn the obvious conclusions based on the other boy’s personality and mannerisms. Observation would have suggested a close-knit, openly affectionate and deeply loving family with all the trust and commitment that Rei’s own family enjoyed. (Which he imagined would surprise his friends, if they knew.)

However, staring down into Nagisa’s devastated face as he tells them that he’s run away, Rei starts to question whether or not his observation skills are truly up to par. Nagisa is distressed, twisting his fingers together viciously, and his bottom lip has been gnawed raw. Rei squashes down the urge to soothe it with the pad of his thumb. (Now is not the time. He has a plan for confessing his feelings, a five-step plan to be precise.)

“Nagisa,” Haru says, quiet and still as the water around them. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Nagisa opens his mouth, tears already welling again. Haruka holds his hand up for silence and goes on. “We’re your friends. If you couldn’t talk to me, why not Makoto? Or Rei. You tell Rei everything.”

Nagisa flushes an unbecoming mauve color and turns away. “It’s not just the swim club,” he mutters. “I can’t tell them anything. Things I definitely can’t tell you guys.”

Rei can imagine Haruka’s response but Makoto, thankfully, steps in. He claps his large hands onto Nagisa’s shoulders and just smiles. Nagisa seems to understand and calms slowly. His hands come up to cling to Makoto’s wrists and Rei finally feels the knot of tension in his belly relax. He allows himself to come closer, to put his hand on Nagisa’s head and let his fingers slide through thick blonde waves.

Makoto clears his throat pointedly and Haruka wanders over with a heavy sigh. He wedges in on Nagisa’s other side and puts a slim hand on his arm. The ‘you can tell us anything’ is unsaid and unnecessary. Nagisa knows all of that.

+++

A few days pass in relative normalcy and Rei, foolishly, thinks that it’s all blown over. Mr. and Mrs. Hazuki allow Nagisa to stay in the swim club, provided his grades improve by the next quarter. Rei arranges to tutor Nagisa for an hour every day after school and for two on Sundays. He has a foolproof plan to bring Nagisa’s marks up in no time.

And Nagisa, for his part, takes it seriously. He shows up on time and stays mostly on topic. Rei is so proud of him. He buys him sweets on the way to the train station nearly every day as a reward.

"Rei-chan," Nagisa asks one day, walking a little ahead for once. "Did you ever tell your parents that you like boys?"

Rei nearly swallows his tongue. He coughs to cover up the awkward pause and thinks for a moment. "It's not that I like boys," (I like you) he finally says. "They'd be thrilled if I showed an interest in any one."

Nagisa nods slowly, like what Rei just said has made any kind of sense. "I wish my parents were like that." He hops up on the railing, dangling his feet out over the tracks. Rei has to stop himself from lecturing Nagisa (again) about how dangerous it is."My sister Kiyoko lives in California, in the US, you know?"

Rei in fact did know this. He crosses his arms and leans on the railing beside Nagisa. He allows his shoulder to press briefly into Nagisa’s hip.

"She got married last week," Nagisa says, every word sounding punched out of him. "To a girl she met at university. They've been together for three years and my parents never even told Aiko and me. They wouldn't have told us but Aiko found the wedding pictures in the trash."

Rei can feel his mouth dropping open. Kiyoko, from what he's seen in photographs in the Hazuki living room, is the pride and joy of the family. Her face is everywhere, her photos three to one over Nagisa and Aiko.

"My mother broke a plate when Aiko brought it up. Told us we didn't have a sister anymore and that we needed to just forget about it." Nagisa shivers, even though the night is mild at best. "She can't erase Kiyoko. She can't take away all the sleepovers and pillow forts and kitty cat bandages. My memories are my own and I won't let her have them."

There are tears slipping down Nagisa’s cheeks and staining his shirt. Rei feels a lump forming in his own throat. "If... if you would like to write to her, you may use my address, Nagisa. I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind, so long as we explained the circumstances."

Nagisa shakes his head. "We have email. I couldn't impose on you guys, besides air mail is expensive. I made a new account specifically for Kiyoko, Aiko, and me."

The train is pulling closer, rumbling up to the small station. Nagisa pulls his legs back and jumps down gracefully. He looks up at Rei with an expression that Rei has never seen before. Nagisa reaches out tentatively and laces their fingers together, not squeezing or pulling, and just holds on.

***

It's a quarter after three in the morning and Nagisa is calling. Rei squints at the phone, too busy trying to imagine what Nagisa could possibly want to answer. It goes to voicemail and the screen clears. 6 Missed Calls stares accusingly back at him. Rei scrambles upright, already reaching for his glasses.

The screen lights up again and Rei slides the button to answer. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" He didn't mean to sound quite that frantic but no one calls at three in the morning with good news.

There's a tiny hiccupping sob and then Nagisa’s voice, thin and reedy. "Rei-chan. I need help. I've been walking for a while but the trains don't run this late and I'm scared." A full blown sob this time and Rei is already pushing his parents' door open, hurrying to wake his father. "I'm so scared, Rei-chan. I don't know-"

"Nagisa," Rei interrupts firmly but kindly. "Tell me where you are. We will come to get you."

The proverbial light bulb goes on above his father's head and Rei steps out to let him get dressed. He jams his feet into his old tennis shoes and paces by the door, just listening to Nagisa’s sobbing. Rei's father is pocketing his keys and his phone, his mother hovering nervously in the doorway in her pink bathrobe.

He manages a smile for her, one she gives back to him. "Be gentle with him," she murmurs before they leave. "Something tells me someone else wasn't and now he needs you to help him." She cups Rei's cheek in her palm. "My sweet clever boy."

His cheeks are still flushed when they finally find Nagisa. It's a harrowing ride across town, piecing together Nagisa’s vague landmarks. They see him before he sees them, slumped on a low wall, shoulders hunched and shaking.

Rei's heart gives a feeble pang and he takes off across the park, jumping an inconvenient bench. He thinks he hears his father muttering about dramatics behind him but can't be bothered to care. Nagisa needs him and that's all that matters.

Fifteen feet and Nagisa doesn't look up. Ten feet and he still doesn't notice. At five feet, Rei starts to panic. He lurches to a stop, knees grinding hard into the concrete when he falls to them, and stops himself.

Nagisa is shaking like a leaf, face a mess of tears and snot with his hair sticking to it all. His hands are clenched so tight into the fabric of his penguin pajama pants that Rei fears it will rip. He reaches out slowly and puts his hands over Nagisa’s, working his fingers carefully free.

"Found you," he says instead of the hundreds of more appropriate things he'd meant to say once he got there. It isn't serious enough, sounds like Rei wants to make light of Nagisa’s difficulties, but just maybe it's good enough.

Nagisa lets out a watery giggle and leans forward enough to bury his face in Rei's shoulder. "Of course you did."

***

Rei’s parents let them both have a three day reprieve from their questions and from school. Rei doesn't know what they've told the school or even Nagisa’s parents. He isn't sure he wants to know, not when every morning Nagisa is drawn and pale even when he sleeps a full twelve to thirteen hours.

In Rei’s bed. Which is now a thing that they do apparently. The first night it was second nature to pull Nagisa in with him, fit his body around Nagisa’s smaller frame and hold him together through the shakes and the sobs. The second night, he hesitates a little at first but then Nagisa pulls him down with him and puts Rei's arm over his middle and that is that.

Nagisa’s favorite position to sleep in is curled up against Rei’s chest, arms like a cage around him. Rei finds that he rather likes it too, likes to feel needed.

Rei's parents sit them down on Sunday night over cocoa and rice balls and ask politely but firmly just what happened. Nagisa lets the whole awful truth out like lancing a wound.

He had gone home, still furious over Kiyoko's wedding and his parents' reaction, and then it all got out of hand. One smart remark led to a screaming match and Nagisa’s parents telling him that if he left, not to come back.

"And I don't want to," Nagisa finished miserably. "But I don't know what else to do. I can't get a job and go to school. Can't afford a place to stay and I can't stay here. Mako-chan has a big family already and Haru-chan.... I don't know what to do."

Rei knows that they can't take Nagisa on indefinitely, can't support another mouth to feed on his father's salary. His mother seems to realize this too and squeezes Nagisa’s hand.

"Sometimes we have to do what is necessary instead of what we feel is right. Your parents might not agree with you but they're still responsible for you."

"They don't want to be," Nagisa mutters. He pulls his hands away from Rei's mother in favor of giving one to Rei himself. Rei can't help the grin lingering at the corner of his mouth. Nagisa has spent the last three days with a constant hand out for Rei's and Rei has always been there to give him someone to hold.

"I will be accompanying you to speak to your parents," Rei's father says quietly. "I've told them to expect us within the hour."

"Can Rei-chan come too?"

"I don't think that's wise," Rei's father sighs. "Your parents seem to feel... well, let's say it's not a good idea and leave it at that."

Nagisa pales considerably more and draws his knees up to his chest. Rei squeezes his hand tightly, chances a look at his father’s face. It's the same as ever, kind but firm. His father will not let them hurt Nagisa, not with words or anything else.

"It's going to be alright," Rei says, pulling Nagisa to his feet. "Mom and I will be waiting for you when you get back."

Nagisa nods slowly and manages the ghost of a smile. "I'll be back, Rei-chan. Just keep waiting."

***

The next three hours pass in a blur. Rei and his mother cook dinner and attempt to eat it. Both of them are too nervous to keep much down. Rei's mother finally goes to bed around midnight but Rei stays awake, sitting against his headboard.

The door opens at one and Nagisa creeps inside. He jumps when he sees Rei waiting. There's a heavy looking bag slung over his shoulder and a rolling suitcase at his feet.

"I didn't think you'd be awake," Nagisa says, sounding guilty. He drops the bags near Rei's closet and sits down on the bed. Rei notices that Nagisa won't meet his eyes.

"What happened?" Rei asks when he can't bear the silence anymore. Nagisa’s shoulders sink and he scrubs a hand across his eyes.

"They don't want me. They actually tried to pay your parents to take me." Nagisa’s voice sounds hollow, washed out. "Your dad told them no. Told them that they didn't deserve to have anything to do with me if they were going to treat me like this."

Rei can hear the devastation hiding underneath the surface and sits up straighter. He wraps his arms around Nagisa’s shoulders and pulls him to his chest, hoping it's the right move. It is.

Nagisa breaks, tears pouring down his face. Every breath is a sob, his tiny frame shaking like he's going to fall apart. Rei holds him through it all and drops kisses onto Nagisa’s hair, breathing him in. He's here and close and safe and that's all that matters to Rei.

He and his parents will smooth over the cracks in Nagisa’s heart and time will mend them like it mends all things. Nagisa is too full of life and joy to stay this way long. Rei will see to it.

Nagisa looks up at him finally, eyes red and puffy. Rei gently untangles some hair from Nagisa’s sticky cheeks and waits for him to speak.

"I love you so much," Nagisa whispers. Rei can feel himself freeze in place, hands hovering over Nagisa’s shoulders. Nagisa doesn't give him a moment to recover though and keeps on going. "I don't care if they don't want me because of it and I don't care if you don't love me like that. Maybe some day you'll learn to? You think, Rei-chan?"

Nagisa is looking up at him now, smiling even with tears streaming down his face. His eyes are puffy, his nose is red and shiny, and his hair is sticking up in clumps from where he's been yanking at it. He should look like a mess but, like always, he's the most beautiful thing in the world to Rei.

Rei bends down, presses a kiss to the corner of Nagisa’s mouth. He can feel him trembling still. Tonight isn't the night for grand gestures and twelve step plans. Nagisa has never needed any of those things anyway. Tonight is a night for honesty.

"I don't believe in soulmates or even in fate, really, but if I did, I'd say you were mine. That we were destined to be together." Rei swallows hard, emotions fighting him like they always do when he's forced to talk about them. "I've loved you since the day you forced yourself into my life. You never even asked if there was a place for you, you just made your own. I could never learn to love you because I already do."

Nagisa sits quietly for a few moments before crawling into Rei's lap. He wraps his legs around Rei's waist and buries his face in his chest. Rei lays his arms over Nagisa’s shoulders and holds on tight. After a while he realizes Nagisa is talking, breathing 'I love you' into Rei's collarbones over and over.

Rei doesn't have to answer him back, knows that they aren't for him. Not really. Nagisa needs time to process, to come to terms with everything that's happened tonight. Rei knows how to give him that time.

Soon they'll have to tell the others and Rei's parents but for tonight, they can hold each other and pretend that the world is gentler than it is.

**Author's Note:**

> Speaking as a queer woman myself, I can tell anyone out there in a similar home situation to Nagisa's that it does get better and your parents can't control you forever. I drew heavily from my fiancee's (we're getting married in five days!!) experiences with her own family for Nagisa's situation and now, three years later, she is so much better. That said, I don't condone running away if you don't know for sure that you have somewhere to go because that isn't safe and your safety is the most important thing.
> 
> That said, I hope you enjoyed this little story! Please leave me some feedback either below or at my tumblr, kibumunnie.tumblr.com :)


End file.
